Wow!

Time is flying by, and I am getting old. Funny how that happens. I don't update this blog much, because I don't really know that many people interested in reading about my crazy life. So, here I am, updating at my older sister's request.
Life is funny. The older and wiser I get, the more I realize that God has a hand in everything that comes and goes. It becomes more and more apparent that He knows exactly what he's doing, too. We live our lives, make countless mistakes, and ultimately learn our valued lessons, without ever realizing how truly perfect it all is. It occurred to me when I was in the ninth grade that in the end, things just work out. It may take a lot of drama to get to the end, but things happen exactly the way they are supposed to at exactly the time they are supposed to. I adopted this philosophy, but I never really understood it. Knowing God has a hand in everything and truly realizing it are two different things.
The past two years have been nothing short of trying for Carl and me. We've been struggling with infertility for just shy of two years. I have PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was diagnosed with it after we'd been trying for the better part of a year and a half. We've been seeing a specialist for the past 4 or so months. There were times in this journey that I wasn't sure I would ever make it to motherhood. I was a little jealous of people I knew who were having babies and adding to their already beautiful little families. I felt isolated. Carl and I shelled out quite a bit of money to pay for an IUI procedure that our specialist doctor redcommended. I thought it worked, even convinced myself that there was no possible way it couldn't have. It broke my heart to get confirmation that the procedure was a failure. I spent a day feeling sorry for myself. Carl was so sweet to me, but I didn't feel much better. I got it in my head that I was likely not able to get pregnant, which made it even worse. Then, something happened. I reunited with an old aquaintance who helped me realize a few things. She was going through a similar situation, but she voiced these words of confidence that stuck with me: "I know I can get pregnant." It struck me then that feeling sorry for myself was not helping the situation and was making me feel worse. If I wanted to conceive a child, I was going to have to fight against this infertility with all that I had. I knew that God was on my side, because I could just feel it. I'd been praying steadily for guidance and patience since we first started having trouble. I knew God would never turn his back on me. We had our second IUI done on September 26, which was a Friday. I am a school teacher, so finding time to relax is almost impossible. I found it that weekend, enjoying time with my man and just focusing on the good things life has to offer. I know this sounds really crazy, but I am almost convinced it has something to do with the end result. I promise I am sane. I started talking to what could be my future baby the day after my IUI. I would tell it and myself that we were going to fight, I would fight for it and Carl would fight for it, and with God on our side, we simply could not lose. About 9 days later, my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) dropped, and I thought it was over. Carl and I had a long talk about what we were going to do if it was indeed over for that cycle. We even decided that if we don't get pregnant within a year, we would adopt. I felt better. The next two days, my BBT shot back up. I still was not hopeful. I refused to take a pregnancy test until my scheduled blood test. I went in two Fridays post-IUI feeling broken but okay. I was pretty sure I would not get the result I wanted, but I was convinced that I would eventually. If this cycle was not the one for us, then the next one would be. I got the call at my sister's house later that afternoon. I was sort of panicky when I answered the phone. I stepped outside and heard Angie on the other end say, "You're very pregnant." I cried like crazy, asked if they were sure those were the correct test results, and thanked the Lord for really being with us all along. It occurred to me later that evening that I'd read several stories about people finding out they were pregnant and being happy enough to shed tears. I always wanted to be one of them. I remembered wishing I would get a happy surprise, and I got one. I went inside that afternoon and told Carrie that she was going to be an aunt again. Then, I left and went to Bear Castle, which is like Build-A-Bear, to carry out the plan I'd developed two months prior for telling my husband that he was finally going to be a daddy. When I gave him the bag carrying the bear and birth certificate, he reached for the certificate first. He stared at it for a few minutes, then the sweetest, most genuine smile crossed his face. "We are?" was all he could say. Our first ultrasound was yesterday, and we got to see our little coffee bean and his or her heart beating at 130 bpm. I am not sure I have ever seen anything more beautiful than that little baby. I know Carl agrees.